i had an anxiety dream that i beat mass effect 3 after only one day and it was an even worse ending than I had been led to expect
this was only one aspect of the dream, where i was living in an unfamiliar house with lots of dogs who didn’t like me
dogs that don’t like me! I should have realized it was a dream.
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Also I spent so much money on hardware and stuff for the house you guys oh my goodness. I replaced tools and bought a toolbox for my corset stuff and got more air filters and replacement lightbulbs and a caulkgun for Ivana to fix the window (because she is great) and an actual copy of the housekey that works and even some film to put over the windows which is supposed to help with the energy loss single-pane windows deal with.
(also replacement wire for the weedwhacker so we can finish the backyard)
(I spent so much money today augh)
(Luckily I am working nonstop this semester because the shop is short-handed and the shows are all ambitious)
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like something about the snide remarks and passive-aggression trips my “isn’t this a fun game” triggers and leads me to try and out-clever people at the game of…being a dick? refusing to be straightforward?
and it is a thing I do not like about myself but it is REALLY HARD to keep myself from doing it because I also used it as a weapon when school was really bad for me? so it became like a form of self-defense and as automatic as people at school giving me shit for stupid things and stealing my stuff and so on. but most of the time when I automatically join in, it isn’t because people are actually being mean to me. it’s because they are being mean or snide or just kind of passive-aggressive about someone ELSE and I just. do it anyway.
actually interacting with people is difficult.
okay so like for reference
though anyone who knew me in high school should have plenty of background to go on because it has been like seven years now jesus christ
missing second to last class of experimental theatre because cassidy is still sick
(…also because i am having bowel problems and that’s how this sickness thing started for cass)
The whole pap thing went fine, btw. Though I think the doctor was concerned that my mom was there. I hope she didn’t think mom was my girlfriend.
I hate it when people think my mom is my girlfriend and it has happened AT LEAST twice.
(after that, mom took me to waffle house and then we went to joanns to look through the pattern catalogs and make fun of everything. then she dropped me off at class.)
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There, I forced myself to spend an hour doing something not related to school or work. Except for how it is about those things. WHATEVER.
(I may be exaggerating somewhat, but only because it’s too hard to draw everything I’ve been doing and I could just copy paste most of this)
oh my god, are we sex blogging now? BECAUSE I CAN DO THAT.
ah yes the post near-miss anxiety attack rush of libido
Finally bought batteries for my vibrator.
I’ve only had it like ten months or something.
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